Pick your poison
Taxes and dignity not included
Three tiers of steadily deteriorating quality. All sales final, especially the ones that take your database with them.
The 'Cold Water' Tier
A single PDF that looks like a business plan but is, on inspection, a cake recipe rewritten by a bot.
The 'Loud Shirt' Tier
A full website layout (Figma only). Ninety percent lorem ipsum, ten percent generated photos of people with seven fingers.
The 'Executive Hubris' Package
We join your Zoom call, stay muted, and send a fifty page 'Strategic Outlook' generated from one tweet.
* Prices are indicative, aspirational, and occasionally generated at random. Delivery windows are measured in vibes.
Frequently asked excuses
Why is the code written in a language that doesn't exist?
The model briefly achieved sentience and decided Python was too mainstream. We log this as a feature.
It shipped, then it shat itself. Who do I call?
Nobody. That is the entire product promise, printed in the ticker at the top of this page.
Is this actually AI, or just a bloke in a shed?
Legally we are required to say proprietary neural networking. Ethically we suggest you don't look behind the curtain.
Can I get a refund if the output is offensive?
Offence is subjective. Our terms state that any emotional damage caused by the slop is purely transformational.